The (Peri)Menopausal Mommy: When Worlds Collide

When I was finally, FINALLY in a pregnancy that went beyond the first trimester, I lost my mind.

Around the same time, a study was publicized that raised my blood pressure a little more than even my chronically anxious obsession with losing yet another baby. Researchers "confirmed" that, yep, mamas lose their marbles, and worse, they don't find them until a good few years down the road from childbirth.

Seems like there was a small avalanche of related articles, like this little study ("Maternal Cognitive Functioning in Pregnancy and Its Association with Gestation, Endocrine Factors and Fetal Sex") that said moms of sons were in better mental shape. :::schadenfreude:::

I remember asking my older sister who had already birthed her brood by then, "Is this true?" Did her brain (the best one among us, frankly) shrink and not return to normal until each kid entered Kindergarten? And holy milkmaid -- if you had three babies practically in a row, like she did, did that mean...? Oh, the math! I can't do the math!

My sister confirmed the veracity of the study results. With glee, as I recall.

Which brings me to the present. The latest attempt by researchers to convince me, personally, that I only *think* I'm smart. :::cue maniacal laughter:::

Ya know, I really only have to publish the full name of the study for you to get my drift (because I think *you* are smart): Effects of the menopause transition and hormone use on cognitive performance in midlife women.

Oh, OUCH!

I grabbed this tasty bit from Neurology's freebie abstract, the study's "background" (i.e. something like a justification of the time & money spent doing research):

Background: There is almost no longitudinal information about measured cognitive performance during the menopause transition (MT).

Well, duh! Do we really need to document how much stupid-er we're getting at this point in life? It's hard enough to compete professionally in a world obsessed with youthful beauty. Now we have to wear Scarlet MD's (for Menopausal Dummy) just to clarify that folks can expect less of us?

Alright, no, I won't start or jump on a bandwagon about how this study is just adding to women's burden in an already unjust world :::cue footage of praying mantis & black widow spiders chowing down on their brethren, courtesy of my bio-geek friend, Jason:::

But just to be clear here, the researchers' only saving grace in my humble opinion is that this whole "cognitive deficit" (whatever that heck that is) is limited to PERImenopause. You get your brain back, no questions asked (mercifully), once you've had that final menstrual period.

Oh, and kudos to them for throwing in their conclusion that HRT *prior* to menopause will assist with that rebound effect. :::papers fluttering from the search for pharma sponsors:::

So the good news for those of us who, for reasons we can no longer recall, waited until middle age to give birth to children and therefore are now raising the little darlings within our very own Perimenopause Realm... the good news is... that... Sorry. Was there a question?

For those of you who want a few more details on the study, the website ThirdAge has written up "Does Menopause Make You Stupid?", written in a nice digestible format that even a 10th grader could comprehend. Well, sure. High school sophomores haven't been through perimenopause yet...  

Comments

[MainlineMom aka Sarah]

Ok so this was a hysterically funny, beautifully written post. Scary though, because I don't doubt the study results, based on my own experience.