How to Make a Family: The Blog

Oh, But When You Know Your Target Audience...

Congratulations to the AFA for getting some major attention to their Manicures & Martinis program.  Claudia Kalb of Newsweek has expanded their missive with a slight nod toward dissenting health advocates and a glance over the shoulder at Dr. Jamie Grifo's intended messages.

Grifo, the program director for New York University Fertility Center who has never ducked away from some of ART's more controversial questions and techniques,  plans to "discuss the reality of egg freezing as an option for delaying motherhood" (besides the rather youth-targeted fertility hurdles: STDs, smoking, and substance abuse) at the informational session being held in a Manhattan nail salon.

A nail salon?
One of those activities that goes by the wayside for many during tough economic times, financially-still-in-the-pink younger (ish?) women are reportedly coming out in small droves to learn while having their ridges filled in, hungry for reassurance about their choices.

But the real fun is in reading the comments from readers of Newsweek's article... not for the faint of heart (or fertility-drugged of mind...)

New Fertility Campaign Targets Younger Women | Newsweek Health | Newsweek.com

Distinguished By What She Has Not

This essay -- Fertility Rites, by Jennifer Gilmore in NYT -- gently combines the widespread economic fears of our current times with the more tightly niched pangs of baby-longing. Not all drug deals are what they seem...

New York Observed - Fertility Rites and the City - NYTimes.com

From the Mouths of Babes, To the Blogosphere

by Angie Best-Boss

An open letter to the American Fertility Association:

For the record, I have a teenager.  And God bless her, even though her heart is in the right place, there are times her youthful enthusiasm overrides good judgment.  At such time, her father or I will gently step in and provide guidance as appropriate.  We also stand back when appropriate, allowing her to accept the consequences for her behavior.  When to step in is always the million dollar question.  Usually, it boils down to this:  when her actions have the potential to cause harm to others, we step in.

AFA folks – you should have stepped in.

You were obviously thrilled to pick John Taylor, high schooler and IVF "baby", as the new youth spokesperson.  You gave him free reign over his blog and he has just posted quite a little frenzy about his infertility musings.  For the record, I hoped it would be interesting.  And it has been, just not in the way I expected.

Here's my beef:  I am sure his intentions are good, but like most teens, he may lack the life experience to adequately discern what is and isn't appropriate for internet posting in this sensitive, intimate realm of baby-making.  As such, he needs a little more guidance than he's been given. For example, he cites as inspiration an English teacher going through her own infertility struggle.  After introducing her by name in a recent post, he then wrote:

 "One person comes to mind now that I think about it.  One of my teachers who has been a big influence in my life.  It's Christmas season, but I can tell that a child is really all she wants when I see her everyday in the hallway at school - but even the jolly guy in a red suit can't bring that.  It's going to take a lot more than some Christmas wishes to make this one come true.  I honestly am at a loss of what to do in order to help, but if I could see her in the Christmas spirit, I'd be more than happy.  The closer we get to Christmas, the faster the biological clock ticks."

In other words, "quit whining, you're killing my buzz."  And I won't even acknowledge the Christmas/biological clock link.  A tiny bit of gentle editing may have been appropriate here, guys.

It took less than five minutes to find his teacher given that he provided her name, department and high school info on his blog.  I was curious as to her feelings about having her name and story featured on the AFA website.

Her response?  She had no idea her name and story were being used online.

No one asked for permission to share her infertility struggle.  Her decision to share her personal story with one of her students is an unusual decision and she might well have agreed to have Mr. Taylor broadcast it on his blog – had she been asked.

But he didn't give her the opportunity to decide.  Deciding who and what to share about your family-building journey ought not be ripped out of your hands.

John proudly boasts of having "seen it all."  In his naivete, he might not have known better.  But AFA, you should have.

Here's to a more careful 2009.

Angie

One of the Originals Sells Themselves

Back in the day, Fertile Thoughts was literally one of the only places you could go online to commiserate with fellow "infertiles." Now the virtual meeting place and repository of many years worth of infertility support information is being sold to matchmaker eHarmony.

The good news is that the same old folks who started the joint are sticking around to continue the day to day running of things.

What became a humongous community was originally created by infertility patients Yael Divon, husband Ronen, the enigmatic "Dave FT", and psychology professor Bill Panak (whose research, with Martha Griffin, dismissing insurance companies' claims about the high cost of infertility coverage went worldwide.) Virtually everything the FertileThoughts.com crew did was brand spankin' new. It was truly one of the first places to be on the Internet if your life was entertwined with baby-making struggles.

A couple of thoughts on this bend in the road for FT:

I remember another burgeoning Web community, Child of My Dreams, that had barely gotten its feet when Organon Pharma swooped in and ate it in 2000 (just in front of the big Dot Com Bomb.) All that was left was the bones, in spite of the hopes of its community. Now, if you attempt to access childofmydreams.com, you're redirected FertilityJourney.com, owned by pharma Schering-Plough (which ate Organon.)
Similar to the WalMartization of the Internet.

I had similar experience with AOL's Moms Online, a group of spirited and talented (mostly) women who produced some of the Web's first parenting-oriented content and community. We (I worked as a consultant for them) pranced on virtual happy feet at learning that Oprah's Oxygen bought "us" and had promised to let us live and flourish under her awesome umbrella. Promises, promises...

I hope FT fares much better.

Another gripe, and it's personal: eHarmony has plagued my inbox for years -- literally, years -- after I made the mistake of taking them up on a freebie profile and trial period for meeting folks. I am, after all, a single mother glued to the Internet. Being such, I feel confident in saying that I've viewed or tried out enough online meeting services to make comparisons. I found eHarmony to be woefully blindered in their viewpoints on relationships, to wit, if you're not a straight man or woman interested only in dating with the primary goal of legalized nuptials down the road, eHarmony doesn't want your business.

Funny thing -- years after asking that my profile be purged, I still receive emails with invitations to this or that new member discount, a whole lot like one of those national chain fitness gyms that I frequented 20 years ago, pre-child, pre-all of the other things in my life that I value more than going to gyms now.

FertileThoughts has done the right thing and presented a section on their site for related Q&A, and there, at least one person as of this writing has posed the question about eHarmony's reputed refusal to serve same-sex seekers. Hopefully by the time you read this, a response will be posted.

And hopefully, the FT community really will be allowed to continue meeting in their old digs, and the good people who run the show will finally get the rich resources they deserve after all these years of true service.

Frequently Asked Questions about sale of FT - Sale of Fertilethoughts to Eharmony

[Editor note, 1-9-09: In all fairness, after writing the above, I found a response from DaveFT posted on 11-7-08 on the board re: the question of eHarmony's policy toward same-sex seekers, to wit:


Quote:
Originally Posted by jenmom2myboys
There has been some controversy and lawsuits regarding eHarmony because of their exclusion of same sex dating on their website. What is going to happen on here? I know we have a same gender board on here and posters who are in same sex relationships, I really hope that nothing changes on here because of this. Has any of that been discussed?

NOTHING ON FERTILE THOUGHTS IS GOING TO CHANGE WITH THE SAME-GENDER BOARDS. THEY WILL CONTINUE TO OPERATE AS USUAL.

REGARDING EHARMONY, AT THIS TIME, THEY OFFER A SINGLES MATCHING SERVICE FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT A PARTNER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THIS SERVICE IS BASED ON RESEARCH INTO THE RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION OF THOUSANDS OF OPPOSITE-SEX MARRIED COUPLES. EHARMONY IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW MARKET OPPORTUNITIES AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT PRECLUDES THEM FROM OFFERING A SAME-SEX MATCHING SERVICE IN THE FUTURE.

Hey Repro Med'ers - Show Us Your Twitter

Think you're hip to Web 2.0 (have we moved to 2.Something Else yet?)? I found none of my repro med cohorts listed on this pretty darned long compilation of tweets by doctors/med students/med related.
See if you're on there. If you're not and should be, the blog's author (a "mature student" moving from the working world of IT toward emergency medicine) invites you to email your details for adding.

For what it's worth, this considerate 25-year-old student hopes his/her blog will be "a constant reminder, that it's never too late"...  I sure feel better.

Twitter Doctors, Medical Students and Medicine related | Medical Student Blog